Still Insanely Jealous

So she met Molly Wizenberg at her book signing at University Bookstore today. The Wino was late. But not so late that she missed the enchanted tale of how a book editor from New York “found” Molly Wizenberg’s blog and then how Jesus, Mary, Barack Obama, and all the angels opened up the sky started singing and throwing sunbeams, piles of money, and flowers at her. And P-ZAM, the next thing she knew, she was giving talks at book signings for her New York Times bestseller.

Yes, The Wino lined up to meet Molly Wizenberg with throngs of other stultified, grasping women who don’t actually give rat’s ass about A Homemade Life, but were there only to wring out how Ms. My-life-seems-perfect-and-I’m-so-articulate-and-interesting got her book published, and, maybe if they got close enough to her, they could get their books published too. But the joke was on them. As The Wino mentioned in the previous paragraph, Molly Wizenberg was pretty much “discovered” as if by magic.

When it was The Wino’s turn to have her copy of A Homemade Life signed, all she could mutter to Ms. Wizenberg was, “You have been an inspiration to me. Thank you,” as if she was thanking Tony Robbins at one of his motivational seminars. The Wino doesn’t remember what Molly Wizenberg said in return, she only remembers the awkward silence that followed.

The Wino knows what her dear mother would say about all of this. “Don’t worry honey, her blessings are in this life. Your blessings will be in heaven.” Yup, The Wino's mother is chock full of such gems of wisdom. And now you know why The Wino drinks.

She will now sign off and go wallow in bitter, jealous misery.

Cheers.

P.S. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, Molly Wizenberg is indeed thin.

The Wino's Nose Does not Know

The Wino was certain she’d be a star in the Survey of Wine class she took with her husband a few years ago. After all, she prides herself on her sensitive nose. I mean, The Wino can smell cat pee from 100 feet away and season a pot of stew by simply smelling it. And she was sure that she would have an innate ability to pick out different flavors and scents in wine and that it was going to be her ticket out of her dead end job and set her on the path to fame and fortune in the wine industry. At last, she would be really good at something useful instead of something obscure and vaguely disturbing, such as being able to put her entire fist into her mouth. (Don’t ask.)

So there she was, nose deep in a glass of wine surrounded by other eager wine novices, swirling, smelling, and tasting her little heart out. But while the other students said they smelled chocolate, stone fruit, vanilla, pencil shavings, leather, and blah, blah, blah, all The Wino could smell was, well, wine (and raisins). All the wines smelled different of course, but The Wino could not pinpoint a single scent or flavor. Not one. (Well, except the raisins, but you can’t say you smell “raisins” in a wine class. You will be laughed at. The Wino promises.)

Her dream, while short-lived, was shattered like a cheap Ikea wine glass at keg party.

But The Wino liked to drink and she still liked wine, so she just started drinking the stuff. Lots of it. All different kinds. And she started reading about it. Snippets, really. A wine newsletter here, a blog there, and a barrel of Wikipedia articles. If she liked Viognier, she would find out what flavors she should be tasting. If she liked Zinfandel, she would find out what scents accompany the average Zinfandel. Some of it stuck. Some of it didn’t.

Then one day, she tasted grapefruit. Big, fat, juicy grapefruit. Boozers, it was the very best day. The Wino was sipping a glass of Oyster Bay Sauvignon Blanc at the Dahlia Lounge with her dear husband and she tasted grapefruit!

So for a whole summer she drank bottles and bottles of different Sauvignon Blancs, tasting the citrus, vegetal, and herbal flavors. (She’s still working on identifying the supposedly present nose of freshly mown grass.) And now she’s pretty good at describing a Sauvignon Blanc’s nose and flavor profile when she has a glass. Other varieties still throw her for a loop. She’s still learning.

Apparently, it's not just The Wino who has struggled with developing a wine nose. The popular Wine Wench blogger, Freda Mooncotch, had a similar inability to identify scents and tastes when she first started drinking wine. When asked to describe what she tasted, she couldn’t. “I couldn’t smell or taste anything. For a long time, I even thought they infused fruit into wine to get those smells.” In her recent, very validating article, Mooncotch describes this experience and provides tips for building a mental wine tasting database of your own.

So it may take a long time to develop your wine nose, fellow boozers. And it looks like it's going to be years before The Wino develops hers. In the meantime, she will have to fall back on her ability to put her whole fist in her mouth as her one talent. But at least she usually has to drink wine in order to be persuaded to do it. So really, they’re kind of related and totally support each other, right?

Judge for yourselves, prudent boozers. Judge for yourselves.

Make Me a Margarita

Here’s a gadget that will make wine snobs role their eyes and margarita purists cringe. Jimmy Buffet has capitalized on the popularity of his song “Margaritaville” and has come out with a line of margarita makers. Now, you too can be wasted away in Margaritaville at the touch of a button. Choose from three classy Margaritaville Frozen Concoction Maker models: Key West, Fiji, and Bahamas all of which "shave and blend the perfect Ritas, Daiquiris, Slides, and Smoothies". (What on earth is a slide?) And for the more adventurous who might need to take the party off road, there’s a cordless model called the Margaritaville Explorer.

As a wine novice, The Wino is in absolutely no position to judge, but she finds this “concoction maker” to be a tiny bit horrifying (and a little fascinating, too) but she’s keeping an open mind because she never knows when she will end up at a tailgate party faced with a fishbowl-sized margarita glass filled with “rita” made from one of Mr. Buffet’s blenders. If that happens fellow boozers, The Wino is just going to have to buckle down and drink it. All of it.

Cheers!

With a Little Help from the Purse Wine Ladies

The Wino knows you’ve been dying to find out what wine to serve with Bouchons a Thon, a recipe from Molly Wizenberg’s book, A Homemade Life. Please, don’t lose any more sleep fellow boozers. The Wino and her infinite wisdom are here to put your inebriated minds to rest. Not only has she paired a wine with Bouchons a Thon, she has also paired a wine with Ms. Wizenberg’s recipe for Fennel Salad with Asian Pear and Parmesan. And it gets better. She had help with her pairings from The Purse Wine Ladies who were happy to spend a Sunday afternoon (and, e-hem, evening) eating, drinking (and drinking and drinking), and talking about wine at The Wino’s dining room table. (Needless to say boozers, these ladies arrived at The Wino’s home with bottles of wine prudently stashed in their purses.)

Now, to the pairings...

Bouchons au Thon are like little custards made with mostly cheese, tuna, and eggs. While they seem a little odd to The Wino, they do not taste odd---they are rich and delicious. Blason de Bourgogne 2008 Pinot Noir is an excellent pairing for the bouchons. It's a very French recipe, so it makes sense that it would go well with a French wine. However, it does seem a little counterintuitive to pair fish with red wine based on the old rule of thumb that we all familiar with (i.e., pair white wine with white meat and fish; pair red wine with red meat). But The Wino has recently learned that tuna, like salmon, can stand up to a red. Tuna is, after all, red before you cook it. The Blason Pinot Noir’s acidity softens the intensity of the tuna, while the combination of tomato, buttery Gruyere, and fish lend this wine more depth and body than it has on its own. Boozers, you’ll find this wine at Trader Joes for about $8.

The Fennel Salad with Asian Pear and Parmesan is a great salad. It’s one of The Wino’s new favorites. It’s simple to make and the ingredients are easy to come by. (Her next door neighbors have an Asian pear tree in their yard from which she has guiltily filched fruit on more than one occasion. The Wino loves this salad so much that she's already begun plotting more acts of robbery for when the pears ripen this coming August.) For this salad, The Wino suggests a 2007 Bridgeview Blue Moon Oregon Pinot Gris. Don’t be put off by the bottle’s blue color and somewhat cakey label design, this wine tastes bright and clean when paired with the salad, bringing out the sweetness of the Asian pear and contrasting with the stronger flavors of fennel and Parmesan. On its own, the Bridgeview Pinot Gris is a little sweet for The Wino’s taste, but the freshness of the fennel cuts through the sweetness bringing an overall balance to both salad and wine. This wine can also be found at Trader Joes for a little over $10.

The Wino would like to thank The Purse Wine Ladies for their help with this pairing and enabling her obsession with Molly Wizenberg's seemingly charmed life. It was a lovely afternoon! And she also hopes that Bridgeview Winery will not be offended by The Wino's careless comment about their blue bottle design. It's fine, really. She was just looking for an excuse to use the word cakey in her post.

Cheers!

Purse Wine

If there’s one thing The Wino has learned during her exploration of the wine world, it's that your handbag should always be large enough to carry a bottle of wine. Fellow boozers, you never know when you'll need to (a) tote a bottle of wine to a dinner party, (b) sneak a bottle of wine into a movie theater, (c) enjoy a bottle of wine (or champagne) at Cal Anderson Park on a hot summer day with your best friend, or (d) replenish your empty wine glass during a First Thursday Seattle Art Walk. In these situations, The Wino thinks having the right-sized purse is not only prudent but a necessity.

This Purse Wine wisdom was passed to The Wino by some savvy ladies who began carrying wine in their purses on the Seattle Art Walk (option “d” above), which happens the first Thursday of every month here and in many other Northwest cities. These ladies like to drink wine while they look at art but don’t feel that struggling artists in more humble galleries should have to support their wine habit (not to mention, the wine served is often El Gato Negro or similar). So, they have started bringing their own wine while out browsing the galleries.

How smart is that? It’s so brilliant The Wino wishes she would have thought of it herself, and perhaps she will pretend it was all her idea in future posts. In the meantime, all the credit and accolades go to the Purse Wine Ladies.

Boozers, if you don’t have a handbag that can hold a bottle of wine, you need to go out and get one ASAP. In addition to needing room for your wine, it’s practically spring (I know, it doesn’t feel like it) so it's time to move on from your drab black purse to something lighter---maybe in a nice beige or bone. And, you will be doing your American duty by being an ardent consumer---so while you’re at it, buy a bottle of wine to go in your new handbag too.

For fellow boozers out there who feel that a purse/handbag is a little too feminine, The Wino, suggests you stop whining and invest in something more masculine to suit your taste. There are plenty of options. The most important thing is that you are able to stylishly and comfortably carry wine when you need to.

Cheers!

Prudent Boozers

As you know, The Wino frequently addresses her audience with one of the following pet names: prudent boozer, fellow boozer, or just boozer. Recently, one of The Wino’s readers left a comment about her use of “prudent boozer” suggesting it was a veiled reference to the secret society known as Prudent Boozers.

The Wino’s use of the word prudent simply means that her audience is sagacious, wise, and has good judgment when it comes to wine. Unfortunately, it has no connection to the secret alcohol moderation society whose 4 Floor Program calls for, “Savoring the 1st, sipping the 2nd, nursing the 3rd, and skipping the 4th,” in order to avoid “…embarrassing shenanigans and poisonous hangovers induced by bacchanalian excess.”

The society’s program is intriguing, however, especially its history (founded in 1878), and emphasis on moderation rather than abstinence when it comes to alcohol consumption. To paraphrase their mission, Prudent Boozers provides a method for its members to enjoy boozy beverages without making asses of themselves.

Check it out, fellow boozers. There’s even handbook. Oh, and apparently Cary Grant and JFK were Prudent Boozers.

Cheers!

Please note: The Wino is not a member of Prudent Boozers and is not suggesting that you become one. Her only intention in writing about Prudent Boozers is to provide information.

The Wino's First Pairing

Fellow boozers, are you wondering what you should drink with "Burg's Potato Salad," a recipe from Molly Wizenberg's book A Homemade Life? Such a great recipe from such a great book deserves a great wine.

The Wino recommends the wallet-friendly Pine Ridge 2008 Chenin Blanc - Viognier. This wine's tart chenin blanc balances the heavier oak flavors of the viognier, creating a fresh and sweet symmetry with the salad's potato, egg, and creamy mayonnaise (The Wino freely admits that she loves mayonnaise. Can you admit it, fellow boozer?). The fusion of salad and wine allows the freshly chopped dill in the salad's dressing to really shine.

This is a first for The Wino. She is a definitely a wine novice but she has been drinking a lot of the stuff for few years now and she decided it was high time she put on her white pants and tried her own pairing. She had some help from some especially distinguished fellow boozers at The Tiny House who have a great love of food and wine. She really appreciates their help, and really enjoys it when they invite her over for pork chops.

Boozers, if you are interested in trying a pairing of your own, The Wino suggests you follow tips from the very wise wine writer and guru Karen MacNeil. In her book, The Wine Bible, she lays out 10 common-sense pairing principles. The principle that helped The Wino select the chenin blanc - viognier for Burg's Potato Salad was, "...Match delicate to delicate, robust to robust." Also, here is a wine pairing Web site that might be useful for your pairing efforts.

Cheers!

P.S. You can get Pine Ridge 2008 Chenin Blanc - Viognier at Esquin Wine Merchants in Seattle for about $9. The Wino loves Esquin.