Possibly The Best Cookies on Earth

The Wino made cookies. Probably the best cookies on earth. She made a double batch of them in an enormous stainless steel bowl. There was so much batter, it would not fit in her stand mixer. She stirred by hand until her shoulder hurt.

The Wino suspects you have a couple of questions. The first and most important: Did she drink any wine while she was baking these cookies? The answer, fellow boozers, is no. And she is just as baffled as you about this non-boozy baking project.

Your second question must be: Did The Wino bake any wine or other alcoholic beverage into these cookies? Sorry, boozers, no not a blessed drop.



Which, undoubtedly, leads to your third question: How can these cookies be the best cookies on earth if they don't contain any alcohol? And The Wino says: It's simple. These cookies employ the use of a delicious substance known as butter. Butter, and lots of it.

The Wino stole the recipe for Possibly The Best Cookies on Earth from another blog. And that blog apparently swiped the recipe from Cooks Illustrated. In any case, The Wino has made a few tweaks to the recipe to make it her very own and changed the name. Here it is:

Possibly The Best Cookies on Earth

(Brown Sugar Cookies with Coarse Sea Salt)

1 3/4 sticks of butter

1 3/4 cups packed dark brown sugar

2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour plus 2 tablespoons
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon table salt
1 large egg
1 large egg yolk
1 tablespoon vanilla extract

Sugar for rolling:

1/4 cup granulated sugar
1-2 tsp fine sea salt

Salt for topping:

1-2 tablespoons of high-quality coarse sea salt. Use something fancy. The Wino prefers pink Hawaiian sea salt. Fleur de Sel would also work.

Directions:

Heat 10 tablespoons of the butter in a pan over medium-high heat until melted. Continue to cook the butter until it is browned a dark golden color and smells nutty, about 1 to 8 minutes, depending on the size and depth of your pan. Transfer the browned butter to a bowl and stir the rest of the butter into the hot butter until it melts. Let this mixture rest for 15 min.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (325 degrees in The Wino's gas oven, which tends to run hot). In a shallow bowl, mix granulated sugar and fine sea salt until combined well; set this mixture aside to roll dough balls in.

Mix flour, baking soda, and baking powder in a bowl. Add 1 3/4 cup brown sugar and salt to cooled butter and mix until there are no lumps. Add egg, yolk, and vanilla to butter mixture and mix well, then add flour and mix until just combined.

Roll dough into 1 1/2 inches balls. Roll oballs in sugar/salt mixture. Place balls about 2 inches apart on baking sheets.

Firmly press a several granules of your coarse sea salt into the top of each dough ball

Bake sheets one at a time until cookies are a little puffy and lightly browned, about 12-14 minutes. Transfer hot cookies to a flat paper bag to cool.

Boozers, if you can muster some prudence, wait until the cookies are nearly all the way cooled before you start eating them. If you do, they will be chewy perfection. Their dark caramel flavor spiked with the sharp, crunchy sea salt will blow your mind. Try not to eat all of them.

Cheers!

Copy Cat!

Boozers, if The Wino posts about eggs today, will you think she is just copying Molly Wizenberg who posted about deviled eggs less than 2 days ago? Probably. Especially after The Wino's jealous rants about Ms. Wizenberg in 2010. No worries, fellow boozers, The Wino completely understands. But she would like you to know that her inspiration to write about eggs has NOTHING to do with Molly Wizenberg. Really. She means it.

Whatever you believe, today's post will indeed be about eggs. Eggs, mayonnaise, and little pickles AKA Oeufs Mayonnaise.

The Wino will serve Oeufs Mayonnaise at her cocktail party later today. A decision that took a lot of courage. I mean, it's eggs, boozers. Boiled eggs and mayo. It's practically egg salad or deviled eggs. One might as well be at a church picnic in Iowa.

Regardless of their seemingly midwestern leanings, Oeufs Mayonnaise are absolutely French [insert fake French laugh here]. Therefore, The Wino can serve them at her cocktail party without one bit of Seattle hipster irony.

So, The Wino has made her own mayonnaise. She used a wire whisk. She furiously whisked an entire cup of canola oil (dribbled in a little at a time) into an egg yolk combined with a little Dijon mustard, a bit of lemon juice, and some white wine vinegar. After seasoning with salt, a pinch of sugar, paprika, and a tiny bit more vinegar, The Wino scooped pillows of her fluffy homemade mayonnaise on to a plate and nestled boiled egg halves (not overcooked!) on top. A sprinkling of coarse salt and more paprika finished the job. Voila!

Will they be as delicious as they are at Cafe Presse? The Wino will have to wait and see. To be honest, she won't have to wait and see. She tried them and they are friggin delicious.

Cheers!

P.S. Please don't tell any French people that The Wino compared Oeufs Mayonnaise to egg salad.

P.P.S. The Wino will actually serve the oeufs on a platter with a small bowl of mayonnaise on the side, in addition to pickled vegetables and gherkins. She only put them on the plate so she could photograph them. She forgot to include the gherkins in the picture.

P.P.P.S. The Wino recommends serving these bad boys with Champagne or sparkling wine. Of course!

Two posts in two days. Lord have mercy!

Don't freak out. The Wino is aware that posting two blog entries in two days is simply unprecedented. Especially since The Wino has barely written since the first half of 2010. And even when she was posting regularly, she wasn't really posting all that regularly.

OK, now that you are done with your shock and awe, let's get to it fellow Boozers. Check it out. This entry in Thesaurus.com is brilliant.

Synonyms for "Boozer": Alcoholic, drunk, lush, sot, sponge, toper, WINO

Cheers!

Thank You!

The Wino would like to give credit where credit is due. And today, ALL the credit goes to Lowes! The Wino, at this very moment, is raising her glass, which is filled with Domaine Des Lauribert Vin De Pays De Vaucluse, to Lowes Home Improvement.

Thank you, Lowes, for being so responsive to The Wino's phone call inquiring about whether or not you carried a specific item. Thank you for paying your employees so well that they are willing to tell a potential customer anything in order to get them to come to your store. Even if it means that the customer will leave frustrated because the item you reassured them you had, you don't actually have.

Thank you for the excellent employee training, which enabled the employee answering the phone to act as if they knew exactly what The Wino was talking about when she called to inquire whether you actually carried said item. And thanks for double checking (putting The Wino on hold for 15 minutes) to see if you actually had the non-existant item in stock so The Wino would not have to needlessly visit your store if you didn't have it. Thanks.

It was especially awesome how your reassurance, after repeated, suspicious questioning from The Wino, convinced her to make a trip to your painfully depressing store. Thanks. It was also nice how you told her what asile the item she was looking for was located. That was sooooo helpful.

It was even more helpful how, when the item The Wino was looking for, was unlocatable, you made her wait to speak with four, yes four different "home-improvement specialists," before you actually admitted that you were full of shit when your said you had an item you don't actually have.

And thanks for making a home improvement project that should have taken 1.5 hours into a 6 hour job that still isn't complete. Mmmm, thanks! It was best.

Yes, Lowes, thank you for inspiring The Wino to actually write in her blog, which she should do more often.

Cheers!

Drink Wine and Be Saved

Drink wine, and you will sleep well. Sleep, and you will not sin. Avoid sin, and you will be saved. Ergo, drink wine and be saved.

Medieval German saying