Breakup Letter

Dear Wine,

I know I should do this in person but I just can't face you right now.

As you know, I am headed to Mexico on vacation in 5 weeks and I'm going to have to wear a bikini. You know, the little purple one with string ties? Anyway, we have been seeing a lot of each other lately, and it's not that I haven't enjoyed our time together, I truly have. But the problem is that I have enjoyed our time together too much.

Basically, my muffin top has grown exponentially thanks to your deliciousness. So much, that I could barely get my jeans on this morning. You see, when you and I hang out, I lose all my willpower. And the next thing you know, I'm involved in a ménage à trois that includes not only you and me but an entire bag of Doritos. Or worse, a giant chicken fried steak smothered in buttery sausage gravy with a side of biscuits and jam. I always wake up the next day feeling cheap, bloated, and guilty.

And what was that all about on New Year's Eve? Why did you make me so sick? I spent New Year's Day barfing up the lobster bisque and beef tenderloin that you complimented so beautifully. Not to mention the headache that lasted for 2 days. WTF? Seriously, it was just too much for me. I've been so loyal to you. For crying out loud, I write a blog about you! Why do you have to cause me so much pain?

I am sorry to say it dearest Wine, but I need to break up with you. At least for a little while. It won't be for long I promise.

Remember, I will always love you.

Love,
The Wino